


Missed Opportunities

by KahtyaSofia



Series: Captain's Blog - S1 [1]
Category: Torchwood
Genre: Episode Tag, Episode: Cyberwoman, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-14
Updated: 2009-11-14
Packaged: 2017-10-02 17:23:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KahtyaSofia/pseuds/KahtyaSofia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack realizes he and the team have contributed to the problem that led to the events of 'Cyberwoman' and it's time to make amends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Missed Opportunities

**Author's Note:**

> As many people are, I'm intrigued by the Captain's Blogs on the BBCA website. Not only is it fun and inspirational to actually read what is written but it's fun to read between the lines! This is the only beta'd. Con crit is welcomed. I especially want to hear about 3 things: incorrect spelling/grammar; characterization/voice inconsistencies; over all response to the story.

Jack lost track of how long he stood in the corridor, watching through the small window set inside the closed door. He stood, hands in his pockets, lips pressed together, as the broken and devastated man inside the room tore apart the Cyber-conversion unit with his bare hands. Jack watched as Ianto moved slowly, as though under water. He moved like it was his body that was shattered, and not his heart.

Once the threat had been neutralized, the anger and sense of betrayal eased. In its place now was guilt and regret. Jack realized he had failed his team in general and Ianto in particular by not recognizing his growing emotional distance from the group. It was going to take hard work and a great deal of patience to get Ianto through the next few weeks, but Jack knew he had no choice but to do it.

The sound of rending metal being tossed on to the growing heap disguised the sound of the door as Jack opened it and stepped across the threshold. He stood hands once again in his pockets, as he waited for a chance to speak.

Ianto paused, heaving a shuddering sigh, and Jack saw his opportunity.

"You know," Jack's voice echoed in the cavernous room, "just because you're suspended indefinitely, it doesn't mean I'm abandoning you."

Ianto's shoulders stiffened at the first sound of Jack's voice. He stood rooted to his spot, hands at his sides, breathing heavily. He didn't turn around. His only response to Jack's statement was a slow shake of his head.

"You lost someone today who meant a great deal to you."

Ianto's only response was a short, derisive laugh. His back remained turned toward Jack.

"I won't leave you to deal with this on your own."

Ianto rounded on Jack, face full of fury and eyes full of unshed tears. "And it's you that caused that loss, now, isn't it?" he bit out.

Jack made no reply. He simply stood his ground, meeting Ianto's hot, angry stare with his own sad, cool one.

"I can barely stand to look at you, be near you," Ianto continued, his voice trembling, "so don't consider it abandonment. Consider it a bloody favor you owe me."

Ianto's self-righteous tone pissed him off, prompting his earlier anger to resurface. "You've made it clear that you believe the team and I are responsible for your feeling so isolated and alone that you would hide a Cyberwoman from us. WITH us!" He took a deep breath, remembering why he was here, and it wasn't to argue. "I want to help correct that."

"Can you correct the fact that you killed the woman I love?" Ianto asked through tears.

"The woman you loved died in the battle of Canary Wharf." Jack answered softly, patiently. "I killed a Cyberwoman, bent on building her own army to conquer the world."

"You didn't even fucking try to help her!" Ianto cried.

"When was I supposed to help her?" Jack asked, just a slight edge to his voice. "While she was trying to convert Gwen? While she was spelling out her plan to rebuild the Cyber army? Or maybe while she was transplanting her own brain in to an innocent girl's body?" He had taken a step forward with each item he had listed, until he was inches away from Ianto.

"You lot held me back, when I could have talked to her! Made her understand!" With this, Ianto took a step closer to Jack.

"She had already tried to kill you when you tried to talk to her." Jack reminded him.

"Did you even feel anything when you pulled the trigger?" Ianto cried, his tears finally spilling over. "Did any of you?"

"Yes." Jack whispered, leaning in ever so slightly, eyes fastening on Ianto's mouth, the memory of how those lips felt against his own echoed in his head. "I felt pain and guilt that you were hurting. It all seems so preventable now." Jack silently implored him to understand.

Ianto stayed frozen in place. Jack saw emotions flit across his expressive face; pain, fear, and maybe, just maybe, the beginning of comprehension.

"I would give almost anything to go back in time and make you feel more appreciated, more a part of the team." With this, Jack raised a hand to Ianto's cheek, gently brushing away a tear with his thumb. "More cared for." He finished with a whisper.

"I had someone who cared for me." Ianto's face crumpled completely.

Jack closed the remaining distance between them by slipping a hand behind Ianto's neck, pulling his head in to his own shoulder. Jack wrapped his arm around Ianto's shoulders and began to rub the tense muscles soothingly.

The sobs began in earnest then. Ianto's body shuddered with the force of his despair as he nearly collapsed against Jack's frame. Ianto's arms circled around Jack's body and his hands balled into fists, tightly grasping Jack's shirt as if it were a lifeline. The wracking sobs echoed through the room that had so recently seen such carnage. Jack kissed the top of Ianto's head, whispering soft words of comfort, knowing they were having little effect, but also knowing they needed to be spoken and heard.

It felt as though Jack's heart was being ripped out of his body. Ianto cried into his chest like he would never, or could never stop. Each labored breath he sucked in felt as though it were being taken from the depths of Jack's soul. If only he had paid more attention to Ianto, beyond admiring his lean body in the handsomely tailored suits. If only he had spoken to Ianto about anything other than those suits, or coffee or pizza or paperwork. If only.

Jack wasn't sure just where along the line he had begun to assume Ianto would always be there for him to admire and rely on. It probably started about the same time he forgot that no one is able to give of themselves indefinitely without receiving anything in return. It wouldn't have taken much; a kind word, a friendly question regarding Ianto's general well being. The most pathetic thing of all was that Jack really did care. He always had.

Ianto's sobs slackened after a time, but Jack did not relax his grip. Although the circumstances were far from ideal, he was happy for the excuse to be this close to Ianto, to touch him. To be touched by him. Jack began to place soft kisses along Ianto's temple. When he didn't protest, Jack continued a line of kisses along Ianto's cheekbone, his jaw, and the corner of his mouth. A shuddering sigh escaped through Ianto's lips, and Jack captured the sigh with his own mouth. He received no resistance.

Jack smoothed his thumbs under Ianto's eyes, wiping away the lingering tears. His hands moved up in to Ianto's hair of their own volition. Ianto's eyes slowly closed, and Jack felt him relax further. It seemed as though Ianto had cried out all his rage and hatred, leaving behind only the anguish. To Jack, this meant progress. His heart felt only slightly lighter as it became apparent that Ianto was already beginning to work through the tragedies of the day. Without considering whether this was really a good idea or not, Jack pressed his warm lips to Ianto's, and lingered.

Ianto's hands tightened in Jack's shirt and their kiss deepened. When Ianto responded, Jack grasped his head in both hands. Relief washed through him that he'd been able to reach Ianto. Still, a part of Jack feared that this was just a reaction to his grief. Brushing his tongue soft as a feather along Ianto's lips, Jack was rewarded with a parting of those lips, allowing his tongue to dart in for an intimate caress. Ianto moaned. Jack answered with one of his own.

It seemed to go on forever, both men giving and receiving comfort equally. Finally, out of breath, Jack gently pulled back. Ianto peered at him through his lashes, and it seemed to Jack that there was a light there that hadn't been earlier that day.

"I should have done this weeks ago," Jack whispered against Ianto's wet lips, "months ago. I am so sorry." This last was almost inaudible, but he knew Ianto heard him.

"But I love Lisa." He stated, almost to himself and almost as a question.

"Of course you do." He sighed to himself. Ianto was so young; maybe someday he would understand that the human capacity for love was nearly infinite. Jack placed another feather light kiss on Ianto's swollen lips. His eyes searched Ianto's, hoping to see a glimmer of understanding there.

"I should have been helping you to feel like you belong here, that you're an important part of the team. If I'd done that, maybe we could've eliminated the secrets and avoided the betrayals."

"Lisa told me every day how much she needed me." A tone of accusation seeped in to Ianto's voice. "She thanked me everyday for pulling her from the wreckage of Torchwood London, for building her life support from the conversion unit, for easing her pain." His voice trailed off.

"Ianto, she was a bloody machine! You have to know she was using your feelings for Lisa to trick you in to keeping her alive and sneaking Dr. Tanizaki in here so he could complete her conversion!" Jack's voice was harsh with desperation.

"She needed me!" Ianto cried as he grasped the front of Jack's shirt. "She needed me for companionship and to ease her pain! Not for fetching pasties, making coffee, and ordering in your Chinese and your pizza!"

Jack grabbed Ianto by the arms and shook him roughly, "And you've punished me enough for taking you for granted!" he shouted.

"Punished you?!" Ianto cried, indignantly, "You put a gun to my head twice, today, and ordered me to kill, no, execute was the word you used, my girlfriend!"

Jack moved his hands from Ianto's arms back to the sides of his face, "Forget that you lied, forget that you betrayed me and endangered us all," he bit out in clipped tones, "do you have any idea the fear I felt when we thought you had been captured by an unidentified invasion force? Can you understand how desperate I felt when that thing tossed you across the hub and you didn't get up?"

Ianto relaxed his grip on Jack's shirt, surprise flashing across his face.

Jack's grip on Ianto's head relaxed as well, "Then I found out it was you who had brought this threat down on us and all that fear turned to anger." He sounded almost tired now.

Ianto covered Jack's hands with his own. "I didn't mean those things I said to you. I was just so sad and scared."

"And I was the most logical target for you to lash out at." Jack finished for him. His thoughts drifted to a certain doctor and Jack realized that under similar circumstances, he most likely would have done the same?

Jack lowered his head and captured Ianto's mouth in a rough kiss. Where the earlier kiss was meant to comfort, this one was to punish and to lay claim. Both men began to breathe heavily and the kiss deepened. Ianto parted his lips readily under Jack's onslaught, his tongue meeting Jack's without hesitation.

Emotions welled up in side Jack that he couldn't put a name to, and a voice inside his head told him to stop, that it wasn't time, that it wasn't right. Not now, not yet. Releasing Ianto, he stepped back and spoke in as close to normal a voice as he could muster. "Let's finish tearing this thing apart and melting it down so you can go home and get some rest."

Without a word Ianto turned back to his previous task, and the two men completed the job, side by side, in silence.


End file.
